Reflecting on Men's Mental Wellness

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3bOGUffNT2M

As Men’s Mental Health Month comes to an end, I’ve been taking time to reflect on what mental wellness looks like for me.

I came across a video I made a few years ago, where I was reflecting on my own experiences with mental health, masculinity, and vulnerability. It’s been profound to watch it back and see how some of my thoughts have stayed the same, while others have grown, stretched, and deepened over time.

Continuing the Conversation

One thing that has been exciting to see is more men coming forward to share their experiences, thoughts, and practices around wellness. That matters. Every time a man tells the truth about what he is carrying, it creates more room for someone else to breathe.

Resources and communities like Next Gen Men, the reflections Jeff Perera creates, and Black Daddies Club all offer grounded perspectives on navigating masculinity with care. These conversations matter because they remind us that masculinity does not have to be rooted in silence, pressure, or performance. It can also be rooted in honesty, tenderness, accountability, and community.

Challenging the Grind with Rest

The culture of having to grind has become so prominent over the past few years. And for Black men, all too often, our grind and our work become an internal measure of our worth. And depending on the space we are in, sometimes it can feel like that measure is external too.

Through my Shades of Sixcess conversation with Aldeli Alban Reyna, I was introduced to a concept from Tricia Hersey called “Rest is Resistance.”

Mind-blowing.

It is the antithesis of grind culture. It challenges the idea that our value is only connected to how much we produce, how much we push through, or how much we can endure. Rest becomes a way of stepping away from capitalism and white supremacy. A way of resisting through existing, instead of trying to commodify our worth.

Dreams and aspirations are important. I believe in goals. I believe in ambition. I believe in building something meaningful.

But we cannot sacrifice our well-being in the process.

Wellness is a boundary. And it is a boundary we all need to take ownership in establishing.

Talking It Out

Growing up, I learned to talk about my feelings through a group of girls.

My best friend at the time had moved away, and I was now on the market to find a new friend group. One day, a group of girls approached me and asked if I wanted to hang out with them. I was intrigued. But apparently, entry into this exclusive clique required sharing a “secret.”

So I took the night to think about the deepest secret I had at the time. And honestly, it was that I was really sad that my best friend had left. It felt like everyone else had moved on, but I was still feeling a way.

And remember, this was pre-Facebook and social media, so it wasn’t as simple as it is now to stay connected.

So I revealed this deep feeling that I didn’t see many guys express.

I dropped a gold mine.

But I was then met with:“Um… we just wanted to know who you had a crush on.”

I was floored.

BUT! After sharing a single name, which eventually became widespread news for what seemed like a millennia — it was probably a couple of days — I was in.

And while that ritual was juvenile, the friendship actually gave me something important: space to talk and listen.

As I’ve grown, I’ve continued to value these types of conversations. But I’ve also learned that it can take time to get other men to open up naturally. I now have a core group of male friends where we can chop it up about marriage and fatherhood as deeply as we talk about gaming and television.

But that didn’t happen by accident.

It came through intentional relationship building. It came through trust. And it came through bravery on all of our parts to be vulnerable. What spaces do you have where you can be vulnerable?

Therapy is a great resource for intentional, you-focused talk time. Because men, we cannot place the full weight of our trauma and stress exclusively on our partners. And then there is the local barber. I feel like some of these guys are low-key undercover therapists.

But whether it is therapy, friendship, mentorship, faith spaces, family, or community, finding places to practice vulnerability with people you trust is an important space to craft for yourself.

Managing Anger

I’ve never considered myself an “angry person.”

But over the years, I’ve learned that being nice or overly accommodating comes with its own baggage. It can come with feelings of manipulation, frustration, and entitlement from others because of your niceness. And if left unchecked, that can lead to resentment in your relationships.

Robert Glover’s No More Mr. Nice Guy is a powerful read for men who resonate with this experience. But beyond being “nice,” we need to find opportunities to be real with our emotions, including anger. Especially when life brings us things that are unfair, painful, or frustrating.

Managing emotions, especially anger, is a lot like managing a fire.

Fire serves a purpose. It can protect us. It can keep us warm. It can give us light.

But if left unattended, it will not only burn the source of the fire. It can burn the environment around it too.

Socially, there are also a lot of reasons for us to be angry. There are systems, experiences, and realities that can weigh heavily on us. But we still have to be responsible for what is within our locus of control.

That means checking in with ourselves internally.

That means having the bravery to engage in hard conversations.

That means approaching conflict not violently, not aggressively, but confidently.

Find outlets to express your anger physically, verbally, creatively, and spiritually. Tap into therapy. Practice mindfulness. Pay attention to your triggers. Notice the signs that you are angry. Ask yourself where that anger is located in your body.

Building awareness builds mastery of our minds and bodies.

Let’s Take Steps Forward

For me, men’s mental wellness is not about having everything figured out.

It is about creating space.

Space to rest. Space to talk. Space to feel. Space to be honest. Space to be held accountable. Space to grow.

It is about recognizing that strength is not only found in how much we carry, but also in our willingness to put some things down. It is about knowing that our voice matters, our wellness matters, and our lives are bigger than performance, pressure, and pretending.

So as Men’s Mental Health Month comes to a close, I hope the conversation does not end here.

Check in with yourself. Check in with your people. Build spaces where honesty is welcomed. Make room for rest. Practice vulnerability. Learn from your anger. And take one step toward the version of yourself that is whole, grounded, and free.

Not perfect.But present.

Let’s take steps forward.

Let’s Go.